They're back

The spiders are back for the summer. I will not sleep again.

HAR-DE-HAR!!!

This guy is a stitch! Kudos, Mr. Feldspar!

Thank you

The rain tonight sounded like applause. I think it was for me.

Slippery slope

I'm alarmed by the amount of butter I've been eating lately.

Caught in a trap

I appreciate all the good things spiders do, but this web nonsense is enough! For once I'd like to leave my house without walking through a spiderweb. I'm beginning to lose my feelings of good will toward the spiders.

Life in the rut lane

I've realized that my life is a serious of carefully constructed ruts. For variety I can add or subtract a rut.

What do you have in your lunch sack?

I am eating the world's saddest sandwich for lunch. I want to cry.

Scumbag

Frist Lies to Matt Lauer

Majority Leader Bill Frist this morning on the Today Show:

LAUER: But when you stood on the floor and you said, She does respond, are you at all worried that you led some senators.

FRIST: I never said, She responded. I said I reviewed the court videotapes - the same ones the other doctors reviewed - and I questioned, Is
her diagnosis correct?

Frist on Senate Floor, 3/17/05 :

I have looked at the video footage. Based on the footage provided to me, which was part of the facts of the case, she does respond..

More from Frist, 3/17/05 :

She certainly seems to respond to visual stimuli.

Killing me softly

I've been eating a lot of apples lately, and cheese. Not together, though apple and cheese is very good together. This isn't that kind of cheese.

All this cheese is going to kill me.

Tom T. Hall-itosis

Summer-time always rekindles my love for Tom T. Hall.

BS

Johnny Hart is insane.

Words of wisdom

For some reason, I keep thinking about my father's first words to me when he saw me on my wedding day:

"I see you still have those sideburns."

So long, jerk

"Congressman Henry Hyde announced Monday that he won’t seek another term"

I never liked this hyopocrite. I'd say good riddance, but he'll probably be replaced by some younger, more zealous, super-conservative christian nut-job.

I have a headache too, and I didn't sleep well.

The horror, the horror

Every so often when I use the restroom at work someone will walk out without washing their hands. I am always horrified. At the very least you'd expect them to pretend to wash when someone else is around. Sickening.

Two ideas for television

1. "Waylon and Willie and the Boys"
Originally a vehicle for Willie Nelson and Waylon Jennings. The pair star as themselves in a college-themed program. Willie has taken a job at an exclusive Texas boys' school as housemaster for a dormitory of misfits he calls 'the boys'. His old buddy Waylon shows up, having been kicked out of the house by wife Jessi Colter. Waylon moves in and hires himself as "handyman", although he tends to cause more problems than he fixes.

With the death of Waylon Jennings this is unfortunately no longer feasible. This could be re-tooled into an animated "Simpson's" spin-off series featuring Waylon Smithers and Groundskeeper Willie.

2. "Joni Loves Tchotchkes"
Superstar folk-singer Joni Mitchell gives up her glamorous Hollywood life to pursue her true passion: collectable ceramic figurines. She opens a smallboutique in her home town Alberta, Canada. Business is slow, but her days are filled with colorful locals. Think "Sanford and Son" with curios.

Stink Bomb

I rented "Star Wars: Attack of the Clones" the other night. J. has some Yoda band-aids and now he's really taken with Yoda. We went to the video store and he had to have Yoda. I pushed "Bedknobs and Broomsticks" but he had to have Yoda. I thought Darth Vader would be too scary, so I decided against "Empire Strikes Back". I saw "Attack of the Clones" when it came out and thought it stank. But I remembered it had a lot of Yoda and was not too scary, so we took it home. What a pile of crap. Even worse on a TV. The digital effects are obvious. Digital Yoda doesn't compare to puppet Yoda. The acting is atrocious. And the story is a dog. The best (worst) scene is at the very end. Young pre-Darth Vader has lost a forearm to evil Count Dooku's light stick and gets a replacement claw. Then pre-Darth Vader and Natalie Portman get married. There are touching scenes of them facing each other, dewy eyed, and there's a close-up of her hand reaching out for his claw. It's so funny but so obviously meant in earnest that it's jaw-droppingly bad. You have to see it.

For the record

All my life I've been accused of mumbling. Be on notice that I do not
mumble, I murmur.

Also, I fear that ghouls will consume me.

What a bunch of shit-bags

Via Salon:

Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist called the measure "a unique bill passed under unique circumstances that should not serve as a precedent for future legislation."
[...]
In the Schiavo case, Republicans in Congress anxious to appease the religious right have no choice but to ignore the tenets of federalism they usually trumpet. Their message in both instances: We're doing this now because we can, but don't expect to get away with it yourself if the shoe is ever on the other foot.
[...]
if you're one of those awful cynics who would raise a question about politics at a moment such as this, you might be interested in the memo that was distributed to Republican senators late last week -- the one that calls the Schiavo case a "great political issue" for the GOP. As ABC News and the Washington Post reported, the memo reminded senators that their "pro-life base will be excited that the Senate is debating this important issue."

Caught in a trap

We went to Target the other night. For some reason, maybe it's the ads, I think every visit will enrich our life somehow. Then, after spending a couple hours and a moderate amount of money, we get home with washcloths and a lemon juicer that we won't use for weeks.

Alone again, or...

OK, the fish wasn't lonely. I noticed the fish had perked up one evening and thought maybe she was back to normal. Apparently not, as I found her belly-up on the bottom of the tank next morning. It took J several days to notice the tank was empty. Even now he insists she's hiding in the plant.

Damn...

Hunter S. Thompson kills himself