B-Berry

Boysenberry is where it's at. Shazzam!

Smiley smile

I have never been as excited by a new toothbrush as I am today. I got a Colgate brush with a blue rubber insert that's supposed to polish my teeth. Imagine that! I brush everyday now.

Tommy would you shut up?

I was up early this morning, around 4.30 AM, and I turned on the Who's 1975 film version of "Tommy". I saw it once about 15-20 years ago, and though I have no definite critical memory of it, I had no desire to ever see it again. After about 20 minutes this morning it all came back in a blur of baked beans and chocolate sauce. What a mess. I am convinced everyone involved was either drunk or stoned or high. I guess you expect a certain level of camp from Ken Russell, but Jack Nicholson "singing" is too much.

King sized stinker

Monday morning J. heard a radio program about King Kong and became obsessed with seeing the movie, the way a 2 1/2 year old will. We walked to the video store to rent it, me playing the role of King Kong the whole way. Unfortunately, they only had the 1977 remake. I remembered seeing it at the drive-in when I was 8, and thought that at least the King Kong scenes were entertaining, so we rented it. Big mistake. This movie stinks, and the special effects are lousy. I lost count of the scenes with an obviously fake giant gorilla hand picking up Jessica Lange.

...

"The real issue isn't physical bravery but moral cowardice.

President Bush is an exemplar of that quality in spades. And it cuts directly to his failures as president. Forget about thirty years ago, just think about the last three years....

Consider only the most obvious examples.

The president didn't think he could convince the public of the merits of his reasons for going to war. So he lied to them. He greatly exaggerated what was thought to be the evidence of weapons of mass destruction and completely manufactured a connection between Iraq and al Qaida. He couldn't get the country behind him on the up-and-up. So he took the easy way out; he took a shortcut; he deceived them. And now the country is paying a terrible price for it."

More Awful than Awful

One of our friends loaned us a video for J. to watch; I will never look at our friend the same way again. It's called "The Brave Little Toaster to the Rescue," and it is the vilest piece of children's animation I have ever seen. Everything about it is bad: the writing, the animation, the voices, the music. What's worse, J. loves it. Each time I have to endure it, I expect to find some redeeming nugget. Unfortunately, each viewing is worse than the last. I never knew a children's video could be so awful, so soul-robbingly awful. I am compelled to burn the video and separate the remains into 37 small packets, and scatter them across North and South America so that this abomination can never take form again.

Haircut Boy

I have become resistant to paying for a haircut. I'm walking around with clown hair because of my affliction.

The End of Times

I'm either getting old or dying, because I keep hearing Chicago on the radio, and sometimes I almost like it

What's that smell?

If you've never had to dispose of a dead mouse many hours after it became dead, consider yourself extremely lucky. I had that honor this weekend, and the smell got inside my nose and stayed there the better part of the weekend. Our mouse was a tiny, dark brown thing, and if it weren't a disease-laden rodent it might have been cute.

Ha Ha Ha!

(via McSweeneys)

March 19

Winnie's friends came by to take him out for lunch today: a little pig, a pissed-off-looking rabbit, an adolescent kangaroo, and a tiger that had to be on coke. Kirk said he saw them at Sbarro eating their slices and looking scared out of their minds. I guess they live way out in the country or something, so I bet the big city blew their minds...

Bat Shit Crazy

Why is anyone taking Alan Keyes' candidacy for Senate seriously? The man is a a lunatic.

?!?

What the heck is going on? All of a sudden, I love grapes! But only purpley-red ones.

Lady bug

The other day I saw a lady bug flying inside the train. I thought "Oh, that could be a good luck sign that everything in my life will work out." Then I thought "How low and desperate must I be to take heart from a bug on a train?"